Shark Diving in Guatemala

Waitressing was probably not the best experiences I’ve had as a job opportunity. Not only was it waitressing; but I was employed at Denny’s: the family restaurant from hell. A typical day would include:

“My baby just vomited on the table. What can you do about that?”

“These fries are cold. Do you feel these? Here! Touch them! No! You have to see how cold they are! YOU EXPECT ME TO CONSUME THAT?!”

“Did my screaming child just run into the kitchen? Oh he’ll be fine. He likes to explore.”

“I didn’t know a grilled cheese sandwich came with cheese! Take it back!”

Lately however, I was assigned to working until three or four in the morning. This was a new shift. I quite often referred to this shift as the “Psycho Shift.” This was when all the strange people of the night came out and thrived through the darkness.

It had been a particularly gruesome day, and I was just wrapping up my “Psycho Shift.” A tall and rather attractive man came in and was sat in a booth. We made eye contact for a split second, and I lowered my gaze back down to the register I was signing out of. There were some complications and the manager came over to help me with the computer that only malfunctioned about a million times a shift.

Every so often I would look up, only to meet the eyes of the man in the booth. After a little bit, it began to grow quite awkward; this was beginning to happen way too many times to be coincidental. Maybe he was just zoning out, or maybe he just blanked out for a moment. I shrugged it off after I finally was signed out of the system successfully; I grabbed my bag from under the counter and began to leave.

“Melissa,” the man called.

I was confused for a moment, until I realized he had only read my nametag.

“Can you refill my coffee before you go?”

Homicidal thoughts flooded through my mind. I was off my shift, someone else should do. After a day like this, I could only think of bolting out the door. However, I didn’t want to appear rude; and it would only take a few seconds, right?

Wrong. After grabbing the coffee pot, I walked over and reached for his cup. Looking up at me, he asked quite sincerely: “How would you like to go shark diving in Guatemala?”

“Excuse me, are you serious?” I was caught by surprise. Was he even being remotely serious? Or was he that bored at 4 in the morning that he went to cause havoc at the only place open at this time?

“No, I’m dead serious. I mean it. I want to take you shark diving. Have you ever been?”

“Umm, no. I haven’t. But I don’t think—“

“Come on, you’d really enjoy it. I have a place…”

This man was pushy, and I still couldn’t believe that he was actually being serious. There was several minutes of awkward conversation:

“Can you see yourself with an older man? You’re very mature, and I really enjoy talking to you.”

Well, sir, if you enjoy awkward, fidgety conversation with a girl less than half your age who obviously can only think about the inviting bed calling to her after a grueling day, then I am confused at what would be a less stimulating conversation for you.

“Sir, I apologize, but I have to go…”

“I understand. Can I have your number?”

This is one of the many situations I have only succeeded in making worse by my inability of coming up with believable lies in the heat of the moment.

“I’m sorry sir, I…well, you see…I don’t have a phone.”

“You don’t have a phone? Do you live with friends? How do people get in contact with you?”

“They don’t. I live alone, and I’m probably…moving. Soon. Very soon. “

“When?”

“Uh, soon. I don’t know the exact date. All I know is that I’ll be leaving soon.”

“Oh. Well, then, do you want mine?”

This was getting ridiculous.

“Sir, I apologize. But I have to go. I have to…uh…be at my other job in a few hours. I really have to go.”

“I understand. But just know that I’ll be here for another hour. You can come back at any time, and I’ll be here. My offer still stands. When you change your mind, I’ll be here.”

I really don’t believe I have met anyone that pushy in a long while, and I was only glad to be out of there. One can only wonder how many girls were offered the “Guatemala Retreat” that night. Sure it would have been nice to spend a luxurious weekend scuba diving and lounging on the beach with a man I had met for only two seconds. Obviously it was destiny that I met this strange man at four in the morning at Denny’s. He was probably a keeper, and out of fatigue I passed up my chance on true happiness.

Yes, I made a decision too rashly. This man only had honest, true intentions, and I let them slip through my fingers. There is not a day that I don’t regret my mistake. That, and pigs also fly.