I'm Sorry Officer! I HAVE TO PEE!

The dark, residential street was quiet with the exception of an occasional dark barking. Driving past the small homes, I happily sang along to the Broadway show tunes crackling through my ancient speakers. It had been a good day, and I was happier than I had been in a long time. Nothing could put a damper on my night. Nothing. I was on top of the world!

However, once the “nothing can go wrong” speech is even slightly thought of, the usual stomach-sinking feeling kicks in almost abruptly. Almost instantly, flashing red and blue lights bounced of my rearview mirror.

Oops.

Well, great; of course. With increasing dread I pulled to the side of the road; while millions of thoughts coursed through my brain at incredible speed.

“I should tell him I’m on way to the hospital…no, that won’t work, he’d follow me… Umm, GAHGAHG! He’s almost to my window! I should tell him… umm, I’m going to throw up? I feel sick? AHH!!”

I jumped several feet into the air as the officer knocked on my window. Rolling it down, my mind was frantic.

“Ma’am, do you know how fast you were going?”
My mouth hung open, still thinking of the right things to say.
“You were going sixty…in a thirty; and this is a residential street.”

Uh-oh. I had done it. I was officially screwed. I really had no idea I was going that fast; I didn’t have a clue. Overwhelming panic set in as I realized how much trouble I really was in.
“Whuh?! Really? Uh…I’m sorry officer…I ... I…” This was it. I had only a fraction of a second to attempt to save my life. “I…uh… HAD TO PEE! I’M SO SORRY! BUT I’M FEELING REALLY SICK, I HAVE TO PEE LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIVE, AND I JUST HAVE TO GO HOME REAL BAD!”

I could see the faint beginning of a smirk form on his lips. Good. This was good.

“License and registration.”

Handing them out the window, I began to make the situation extremely awkward, shifting and making grunt of “pain.” After taking a quick look, he handed them back.

“You do know that you shouldn’t speed, regardless of the situation, right?”

“Yes, of course officer. I’ve just never felt this bad before…I really can’t make it…”

He left after giving me only a warning. It was incredible, and my greatest moment of triumph. I had gotten out of an almost impossible disaster. Right after it happened, I called my friend Trevor telling him of my greatest feat. Weeks later, he got pulled over as well for a speed far less than mine. After hearing of my incredible moment of triumph, he decided to try. The officer, unimpressed with a teenaged boy’s frantic tearful, heartbreaking story of an near-exploding bladder, wrote him a ticket.