A New Life Story

Many girls have their lives planned out at a very young age. I remember my kindergarten classmates and I would all have discussions on how our future was going to roll out.

"I'm going to be a fairy princess and live in a castle..."
"Well I'm going to marry a millionaire..."
"That's nothing, I'm going to be a famous movie star and be ruler of my very own island."

I never shared the same dreams, and I hardly ever volunteered my "life story."
I learned my lesson once after I was laughed out of the group.

"I'm going to be a ballet dancer and have millions of men love me. What are you going to do when you're older Melissa?"

"I'm going to live in a cottage with a bunch of cats; maybe some dogs, and we'll all live in harmony together."

Now, I don't understand why I didn't come up with something grand and extravagant. I'm thinking that it was the same reason I could never have imaginary friends. I tried; I honestly did try to have dozens of invisible companions so I could "fit in with the times," but I always got bored. That, or my imagination was just as exciting as a goldfish's.

It's too bad I didn't keep in contact with any of my friends from our wee years. It would have been like an early high school reunion. Little Jill, who was going to be a model, gained 250 pounds and now changed her life story drastically. Or maybe tiny Suzy, who was going to be a vet, developed a severe case of allergies.

I can't be completely negative however. Even though I never quite fit in with girls my age, and developed extremely anti-social fantasies amongst their glamorous ones; I, too, had a change of plans. While my life of isolation amongst mammals seemed to be ideal; hormones developed and it wasn't quite the perfect dream anymore.

My plans changed from living alone to marrying a handsome French stud and moving to Europe. Soon my plan was forming into a reality. I fell in love with a gorgeous man I could only describe as a Greek God. He had curly blond hair, a wonderful personality, and a gorgeous smile that seemed to blind you whenever he flashed it.

Flirting followed, and I was falling deeper and deeper in love. We were obviously meant to be together; destined to love each other for eternity. I was longing only to hear the sweet, three little words that would make the butterflies in my stomach beat faster. "Melissa, I love you."

Three little words were eventually said to me, though they were not quite what I had in mind when instead a close friend came up to tell me: "Melissa, he is gay."

I was devastated. It took me forever to finally accept the truth; but the curse seemed to follow. Each and every man I feel head over heels for was just... how can I put this... not interested. Or if he was, it was because he was still in hiding and came clean only months after. (I still am unsure if our relationship had anything to do with his decision.) After years of denial, I finally accepted the truth, and realized that my life plan had changed yet again.

From living with animals, to marrying a French hunk, I went to unwillingly living a "Brokeback Mountain" life. I will find the man of my dreams, we'll get married, start a family, and he'll end up leaving me for the mailman or some other male.

I'm not happy about it, but at least I've come to accept it.